When it comes to dating, race shouldn’t be a factor when picking your partner. It should be values that are maintained at the forefront of your mind when making a decision. You should ask yourself what values you have and uphold, and also what values you want to aspire to. On the other hand, it cannot be denied that race and culture can have a deep influence on the values that people have.
I had a different upbringing from most, going back and forth from my Mum in Australia, to my Dad in Hong Kong and Malaysia. My Dad eventually married a Malaysian lady with Chinese heritage. This meant that I had the privilege of experiencing both cultures. This deeply influenced the cultivation of my valuesand led to me having a mix of both Eastern and Western philosophies about life, work, money and family.
Charles, my Chinese-American boyfriend had it the opposite way around. He was born in China, but at the age of 7 his family relocated to the US. This led to him also having values shaped by both Eastern and Western influences.
By having these mixed influences in our lives, this allows us to pick and choose which values we want to adhere to and aim for. Having aligned values makes everyday decisions very easy, for example, choosing what to eat or how to spend money. I really think that all those silly little quarrels add up and deteriorate the relationship over time. It also helps in avoiding misunderstandings when big events happen, for instance when family visits or when we go travelling together.
Sure, my boyfriend’s race is Chinese, but he’s American too. And yes, I’m 外国人, but half of my family is 华人. It’s just lucky that we found each other and discovered that we had the same values. I’m also very lucky that he has helped me so much in my efforts to learn Chinese (he forces me to watch those terrible Chinese romantic dramas.)
So for anybody out there considering dating a Chinese guy, I would say try to forget about race. Go out and meet people, but don’t judge them solely based on the color of their skin. Go find somebody who is your intellectual equal and discuss what matters to both of you. If it just so happens that the person is Chinese, then that’s great too!