On Dating a Chinese Guy

有一个中国男朋友是怎样的体验?

When it comes to dating, race shouldn’t be a factor when picking your partner. It should be values that are maintained at the forefront of your mind when making a decision. You should ask yourself what values you have and uphold, and also what values you want to aspire to. On the other hand, it cannot be denied that race and culture can have a deep influence on the values that people have.

当我们谈论感情时,种族不应该是你选择另一半时的一个顾虑,价值观才是你做决定时应该首先考虑的事。你需要问自己,什么才是值得你拥有和维护的,最令你向往的又是什么。当然我们也无法否认,种族和文化会对我们的价值观产生深远的影响。

I had a different upbringing from most, going back and forth from my Mum in Australia, to my Dad in Hong Kong and Malaysia. My Dad eventually married a Malaysian lady with Chinese heritage. This meant that I had the privilege of experiencing both cultures. This deeply influenced the cultivation of my valuesand led to me having a mix of both Eastern and Western philosophies about life, work, money and family.

我的母亲居住在澳大利亚,父亲则常住在香港和马来西亚,而我往返于两者之间,因此我的成长经历和大多数人不太一样 。我的父亲最终娶了一位有中国血统的马来西亚女士。这让我有幸体验了两种文化,也对我价值观的形成产生了深厚的影响。我对生活、工作、金钱和家庭的看法都糅合了中西方的哲学理念。

Charles, my Chinese-American boyfriend had it the opposite way around. He was born in China, but at the age of 7 his family relocated to the US. This led to him also having values shaped by both Eastern and Western influences.

Charles, 我的华裔美国男友,则与我恰恰相反。他出生在中国,7岁时跟他的家人一起搬到美国。因此他的价值观也同样受到了东西方文化的影响。

By having these mixed influences in our lives, this allows us to pick and choose which values we want to adhere to and aim for. Having aligned values makes everyday decisions very easy, for example, choosing what to eat or how to spend money. I really think that all those silly little quarrels add up and deteriorate the relationship over time. It also helps in avoiding misunderstandings when big events happen, for instance when family visits or when we go travelling together.

在生活中所受到的这些影响,让我们能够选择我们想要坚持的价值观。相同的价值观让我们的日常决策变得非常容易,比如选择吃什么或者怎么花钱。我真的觉得,所有这些愚蠢的小争吵会随着时间将一段感情消磨殆尽。当家人来访或者一起旅行等大事发生时,相同的价值观则有助于避免许多误解。

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Sure, my boyfriend’s race is Chinese, but he’s American too. And yes, I’m 外国人, but half of my family is 华人. It’s just lucky that we found each other and discovered that we had the same values. I’m also very lucky that he has helped me so much in my efforts to learn Chinese (he forces me to watch those terrible Chinese romantic dramas.) 

当然,我的男朋友是中国人,但他也是美国人。是的,我是外国人,不过我的家人中也有一半是华人。我们是如此幸运,能够找到彼此,并发现我们都有着相同的价值观。他在我的中文学习方面也给了我许多帮助(他强迫我看那些可怕的中国言情剧),在这一点上,我也相当幸运☺

So for anybody out there considering dating a Chinese guy, I would say try to forget about race. Go out and meet people, but don’t judge them solely based on the color of their skin. Go find somebody who is your intellectual equal and discuss what matters to both of you. If it just so happens that the person is Chinese, then that’s great too!

如果你正在犹豫是否应该和中国小伙子交往, 我会说试着忘记种族吧。走出门去认识新朋友,但不要根据肤色来判断一个人;找一个与你志同道合的人,谈谈对于你们来说什么是最重要的。如果恰巧这个人是中国人,那也很好啊!


Charlotte spent most of her time moving between between Australia, Hong Kong and Malaysia. Finally, she decided to settle down in Shanghai to study at GoEast and has since become fluent in Mandarin. Her interests include photography, art and design.